Rocket Penguin

Plot
A super powerful flying computer programmer and his band of scrappy side kicks must face impossible odds to save all humanity from being wiped out by the machines.

Base Review
Well I saw the new Matrix last night and the most accurate thing I can say about it is that it’s better than the second one. I loved the first and hated the second. This one wasn’t as great as the first, but at no point during the movie did anyone say the words “We shall dance to show the machines that we are not afraid.” That alone moved it up quite a bit in my book. I was a bit disappointed that the French guy’s girlfriend and her cleavage only had a brief cameo in this movie. Mmmmm freaky chick. But the plus side to this is that there wasn’t a stupid scene involving the words, “Kiss me like you kiss her.” Yeah Neo has a tough job.
The biggest strength of the new movie is that the majority of it takes place outside the Matrix. The bullet time, while fabulous, isn’t as awe inspiring now days as it was in the first one. It can also be taken too far as in the second one where dozens of Smith’s fought Neo for thirty freakin’ minutes. I never thought I would see a movie where I fast forward the fight scenes, but Reloaded is just such a movie. The majority of the movie, as it should, revolves around the defense of Zion. Zion of course is the last remaining human city; who has a conspiracy to control the world by proxy. The machines try to break into Zion and blow themselves up in order to kill as many Zionist as possible. Any machine that manages to kill Zionist gets sent straight to machine heaven and receives 72 fresh out of the package circuit breakers.
They cut back on the dialog a bit and got back to blowing stuff up and posing. Which is good. This is the strength of the first movie.

Good Stuff.
Zion Defense. This was a huge fight scene with the machines. The visual effect of millions of machines flooding into the city was fantastic. This scene alone was worth the price of admission.
Agent Smith. He rocks. The actor who plays him, Hugo something I think, really seems to be having a good time. This role couldn’t have been cast better. The writers even give him a scene where he can do the maniacal bad guy laugh.
Jada Pickett Smith. She did a great job playing a ship captain. Also a hat tip is in order to the director for using creative camera work to make her look tough instead of four feet tall. The camera was always creatively placed below her eye level to make her look about the same height as everyone else. There are a few very brief shots where you can see how she actually compares to everyone else.
Chase scene. The scene where Jada’s character is trying to get away from the machines was exciting and well timed. Much better than the overdone freeway scene in part two.
Link’s fine ass wife. Damn she’s just hot. Don’t need to say much more here.
The French guy. You just want him to die soooo much. That means he’s doing a good job as the bad guy.
Morpheous. OK, maybe not good, but definitely improved. He was a stone cold pimp in the first one, a witless slack jawed yokel fanatic in the second one, and somewhere in between in the third. He still has an unhealthy man-love for Neo, but not as bad.
Keanu tries to cry. There is several scenes where you can see this unintentional comedy. It’s like he tasted something bad or his face is having a seizure. Either way only Arnold rates higher on the unintentional comedy scale.
The Architect. He has like two lines. Thank god.
Subtle Stuff. Neo starts out in a train station. The station is called Mobil it’s a place between the worlds. Rearrange the words you get limbo, get it ehh ehh. There is more stuff at the end where they kinda wipe their ass/pay homage to Christianity, but I won’t ruin it.

Bad Stuff.
The mechs. They look pretty dumb to me. That and the guy piloting it gets no protection. It’s like “Hey could I get a windshield on my 20 ton vehicle?”
Trinity. My friends are all well aware of my issue with Trinity. She looks like Neo but a lot older. The effect this produces is that every time they kiss, it looks like Neo is making out with his mom. The actress that plays her kinda phoned it in this time. That, or I can’t get past the Oedipus thing. Either way all the “I love you so much” scenes came across as really flat.
The gimps. There is a club in the beginning of the movie with a bunch of fighting gimps. This isn’t a big issue but I just didn’t like it. Maybe it’s just to make you hate the French guy more.
Technology. Wait they have powered armor and massive hover craft thingies but they have to make ammo by hand? The EMP’s kick the hell out of the machines. Why isn’t the City full of them? If the hover crafts can be shielded so can everything else. There is a lot of stuff like this and I’m not even going to get into it. It just seems like they don’t know if they want Zion to be futuristic or primitive.
Neo’s “real world” abilities. One of the biggest things I wanted to know was how he could fry the machines in the real world. The answer is “Screw you he just can. He’s the one.” Boooooo. He does other stuff in the “real world” too, but I won’t ruin it for you.
The Basic Plot. I agree with Scott Kurtz on this one. You should have just hooked up cows instead of people. They produce more energy, would never rebel, and the simulation would be easier to maintain. You could call it the Mootrix.
Humans turn French. OK this actually started in the second one. In the first movie the humans were starting a war to become liberated. In the second and third they just don’t want to be invaded. Pressing the attack becomes inconceivable. Weak.
Death Scene. A certain character dies in this movie, well eventually the character dies. It takes freakin hours. By the end of the scene your really rooting for the character to shut up and die already.

Final Thoughts
Really it’s pretty good even if it’s full of cheesy scenes. Besides no matter what I say your still gonna go see it. You have too much time invested in the franchise not to.

***Update***
I just found this review, which is much better than my crude attempt. He also reviews a review. The review he mocks is the one from that fat guy on ain’t it cool news. At one point tubby says:
Ultimately… Neo, Morpheus, “the rebel alliance” – essentially… In a lot of ways… they’re the bad guys. You see, they’re fucking everything up. The come into our “Society” blow shit up. Yes, he wrote that. And posted it. Cause problems. Get all violent and shit. Do little hit and run missions. Neo is for his people… basically, he’s Bin Laden living in a cave somewhere…

Yep, that's right. 9/11 was a hit and run for freedom.