Rocket Penguin

As I continue to blatantly rip-off Paul's dating tips from Sanity's Edge, I offer the bulk of the knowledge I acquired in college. I agree with the vast majority of what Paul says. I differ with him more in the execution than the concepts. These tips are designed to maximize your success in scoring. These tips aren't about deception (well, OK maybe a little). Deception probably won't get you laid. Most of the time, women know exactly what they will or won't do with/to you at the beginning of the night. Your job is to just not talk them out of it, and maybe if you're really good, bring them a little closer to your side. They know what you're trying to do, but if you make it too obvious, they have no choice but to call you out.

Basic Preparation.
1. Clean the place. Come on I would have never thought I would have to say this but I've seen guys out there that think a woman doesn't mind tip-toeing through your laundry, wondering what that moldy smell is, then knocking the junk off your bed. Women mind. Do you really want her to be grossed out when you're trying to get your swerve on? Her comfort and opinion of you are paramount to your success, and a nasty apartment hurts them both. Clean the hell out of the place. All of it not just where you think she will go. Messes have a way of creeping. Bleach the tub and toilet. Sprinkle the carpet junk. Clean out the fridge. Six pizza boxes aren't cute. Febreeze is your best friend. Burn some candles for a few hours before you leave, but put them out before you leave. This will make the place smell nice without burning the place down. Besides if she walks into your living room and there are burning candles everywhere, it looks like you're plotting on her.
2. Loose the roommate. If you have roommates you're at a disadvantage already. You need to let them know what's going down and a good roommate will find somewhere to be until at least 3 a.m. Nothing will destroy your chances quite as fast as bringing her home to your roommate sitting on the couch watching sponge bob square pants in his boxers. Having the roommate in another room isn't good enough. Sound travels.
3. Rent some videos. Look, there is a chance that you won't succeed. Maybe you won't even like her. So you might as well get a movie you wanted to see anyways. If you do this you won't even have to lie later. Don't get a chick flick. Again that makes you look like your plotting on her. If she mentioned a movie wants to see or actor she likes get it. Otherwise get something you think she would like. Comedy is good. Drama is better. Action is iffy.
4. Beverages. I like to go with hard liquor, or a chick friendly beer like Two Dogs, DNA, or smerifnof ice (Oh like you know how to spell it). If you have hard liquor, make sure you also have ice, and something to mix it with. Coke is the easiest solution.
5. AC. Women are notoriously cold blooded. Drop the temperature to where it's just above actually being cold. If it's almost cold to you, she will find it a bit too chilly. This goes against the make her comfortable rule, but there is a reason. We will get to that in the date section.
6. Make the bed. You should have done this during the cleaning the house phase, but if you actually had to be told to clean the house, maybe you didn't do this. Women don't want to give it up on wrinkly sheets. This isn't anywhere near a deal killer. It's not like she's going to refuse you because the bed isn't made, but it is a nice touch.
7. Leave a couple books out. This does two things. First it makes the place a little less sanitary. It gives the impression that your house is always this clean. (riiight) Second, the books if carefully chosen can make you look more sensitive and thoughtful. Again with Paul I differ, I think the book he choose may be a little too sensitive, or at least I could never pull that much of a stretch off. Whatever books you choose you need to be able to intelligently discuss them.

During the Date
1. Home field advantage. When making the arrangements for the date, throw out the option of her picking you up. You might still drive but something like "So do you want me to pick you up, or do you want to swing by here?" works more than you probably think. Women are nosy about where you live and probably want to check out your place. If she picks you up you have a huge advantage. Since you're already there, it's easier to invite her in at the end of the night, than it is to convince her to come back to your place. Note: If you have any doubts that she may be a little psycho do not do this. Then again if you have those doubts get out now and cut your losses.
2. Compliment. Women need complements like Vanilla Ice needs a hit. Say something about her hair/eyes/any thing but boobs or ass/dress/shoes when the date starts. After that stop any and all appearance based compliments. Continue with the occasional compliments but they should be towards her mind and sense of humor. Keep the comments casual and sincere you don't want seem too intense or look like your sucking up.
3. Be Polite. Open doors for her. Pull out her chair. Don't interrupt her when she speaks. Rudeness is a huge turn off.
4. Listen. Women like to talk and you should let them. Ask about her family, work, and childhood. Your comments should be open ended and show that you're listening. Things like "What was that like?", "What do you think about?", and "Really? Then what?" will keep her talking and keep you from saying something stupid. The occasional insight and nod of the head go along ways. If you don't agree with one of her views you can disagree, just don't make it a big issue.
5. Spend some cash. If you spend a lot of money on a date she will not feel like she owes you something, but if you are stingy she will look at you like a cheap ass. Go somewhere nice but not extravagant. I don't go to the ultra trendy/ French restaurants because:
A. I'm not comfortable there. Therefore note as charming.
B. The food sucks.
C. I'm too cheap.
A place that's nice enough to provide nice atmosphere and good food without providing one of those mind numbing clapping birthday songs is what your looking for. Don't go anywhere loud. The conversation at dinner is the biggest thing that will determine if your going to get any.
6. Show little to no sexual interest. Under no circumstances should you make jokes or sexual innuendos. It's not cute, it's not funny, and it doesn't turn her on. Don't look at her boobs. Don't steer the conversation towards anything sexual. She should think that your really digging her for who she is, not because she's really hot. The goal isn't to get her to let down her defenses. The goal is to get her to want you more than you want her. If you can pull that off you should be gold. Note: If she steers the conversation towards sex, you may fire at will.
7. Confidence. You should have the attitude that you aren't concerned if you'll get any. Don't think about the date as an audition. Think about it as a job interview where your not sure if you want the job. The key think is to never have the slightest hint of desperation. If you can have confidence with out coming across as cocky you'll be fine.
8. She's the only woman there. It doesn't matter if the hottest girl you've ever seen walks by. Keep those neck muscles in check. Only look at her. If she points out that a girl is cute, make a comment that agrees with her but indirectly complements the girl your with. If your date is kind of tall say something like "Yeah she's ok but she's a little too short. I tend to like tall women." You need to deliver this line as if you were totally oblivious to the fact that you drew attention to one of her traits.
9. Neutral movie. This is a very flexible rule. If you're going to the movies, you should really try to read the girl. Don't suggest a chick flick because then it looks like your plotting on her. Always ask her what she wants to see. If you plan on seeing a sequel or a remake, rent the original before hand. After the movie if it turns out she liked the sequel, you can tell her that you have the original at home.
10. The Invite. As the date is winding down, probably in the car ride home, tell her that you rented a movie that you were planning on watching tomorrow. Ask her if she wants to join you. This is code. It's like asking a girl if she wants to come in for coffee. She knows what you're asking. If she says no, tell her you had a really good time, and end the date. If she accepts you are rounding third base and making a break for it.
11. Offer her a drink, and pop the movie in. I differ with Paul on this. He says that it is a distraction. I say that I'm not in a hurry and it gives both people something to focus on until everyone is comfortable. Keep the volume at a reasonable level. She will not be impressed by your sound system no matter how cool it is. Keeping the volume down will allow you to talk comfortably and if you get her in bed, the movie in the other room won't be a distraction.
12. Pay attention to where she sits down. There is the off chance that she actually just wanted to watch a movie. If she sits on the recliner, you will probably see how the movie actually ends. If she sets on the couch or loveseat, your chances are much better.
13. See if she looks cold. The AC is on awfully high after all. If she looks that way or says something, offer to get her a blanket. This makes you look caring. Plus, sharing a blanket will help you out quite a bit.

After that you're on you own. Just to recap make her comfortable, make the night about her, and remove any reason for her to say no. Let the hate mail begin.